Alcoholism's Effects on the Family

Alcoholism can damage not only the alcoholic's life but also the lives of their immediate family members. Al-Anon, a support group for the friends and family of alcoholics, reports that the average alcoholic touches the lives of at least four other people. This article outlines some of the ways that specific family members may be affected by another person’s problem with alcohol.

In some cases, these consequences on family life and relationships are similar to those of other substance addictions. If you have been ignoring any of these problems in yourself or another family member who is affected by an addict or alcoholic, it may be time to honestly re-evaluate the situation and seek help.

Unborn babies/Fetuses

• Physical birth defects: If the mother consumed alcohol during pregnancy, the baby may be born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, which can cause birth defects.
• Long-term problems: These problems may include difficulty with learning, judgment, social skills, coordination, attention span, speech, and appropriate behavior. (Read Substance Abuse and Pregnancy)

Children

• During childhood, the children of alcoholics often misunderstand the parent’s problem with alcohol and blame themselves for the alcoholism as well as for their inability to find a solution. They feel guilt, shame, and loneliness among many other negative emotions. This may manifest itself in nightmares, paranoia, tantrums, stealing, voluntary solitude, problems in school, or obsessive behaviors.
• Many of the behaviors that they exhibited in childhood may be transferred into their adult lives if they do not receive counseling. According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, children of alcoholics are 3 to 4 times more likely to become alcoholics themselves, and they may become involved in a romantic relationship with an alcoholic (Read Why Children of Addicts Marry Other Addicts). They may have problems in all of their relationships because their ability to trust others has been so damaged by their alcoholic parent. When they have their own children, they are more likely to make poor parenting decisions, and similar bad judgment may be exercised in other areas of their life.

Spouses

• Emotional burdens: Alcoholics can create emotional turmoil in their home, and say or do things are incredibly hurtful. In combination with the other problems listed below, the spouse can begin to feel bitter, hopeless, and resentful.
• Financial burdens: In addition to spending the family’s sometimes scarce resources on continuing the addiction, the alcoholic may also be unable to maintain a job because the problem does not stop during work hours. The spouse may feel the need to compensate for this by working longer hours or finding another job. They may also look for ways to cut corners and sacrifice in other areas. Neither of these scenarios is a healthy state for a marriage, which is, as part of its definition, a partnership.
• Physical abuse: Studies suggest that people who abuse alcohol are more likely to attack their partners physically or sexually than is the general population (Read Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence). This does not mean that all alcoholics are guilty of domestic violence, but that spouses should be alert to the possibility. If you are the victim of domestic violence, for the sake of yourself and your children, you should seek help.
• Child-care burdens: As the alcoholic sleeps off another hangover, the spouse takes over all of the responsibility for taking care of the children. In addition to the exhausting reality of this, the children no longer have a positive role model in the alcoholic parent.

Parents

• Feelings of guilt: The parents of alcoholics may question their decisions as parents. Their sense of self-esteem may be negatively affected, and they may develop depression.
• Co-dependency: Parents, who have always had the role of meeting their child’s needs, may enable an alcoholic by blocking the consequences of that addiction (Read Are You an Enabler? and 5 Signs of Co-Dependency). Being too dependent on an addict for a sense of purpose and identity can have severe, detrimental effects on anyone.