How to Deal with Denial

Addiction is a complex problem that affects the physical and mental health of an addict. Although scientific evidence suggests a genetic component to addiction, environment is also an important factor. Triggers in the environment – like stressful situations, unhealthy relationships, or social pressures – can propel a person (especially someone who is genetically predisposed to becoming an addict) into addiction. Past situations that trigger addictions may also be the reason an alcoholic or addict denies that they have a problem. If you are a family member or friend of an alcoholic or addict, it would probably help to first understand the factors that contribute to denial before trying to overcome it.

What is denial?

Denial is a response to an uncomfortable or unpleasant situation. In the context of addiction, denial is a way for an alcoholic or addict to rationalize or justify behaviors that, despite how destructive they may seem to outsiders, are more comfortable to the addict than the sober alternative. This rationalization/justification may require that the addict reshape their perception of the situation in order to make it somehow true to them. For example, when confronted by a loved one, they may respond, “I’ve only had one drink!” In reality, they may be thinking “I’ve only had one drink... (even though there were 5 different liquors in it).” Because of the clear discrepancies between the addict’s manipulated version of the truth and reality, denial can be incredibly frustrating for family and friends.

Why do alcoholics and addicts deny that they have a problem?

• People don’t like to feel helpless or admit that they are unable to control a situation.
• The addiction itself is an unhealthy defense mechanism to mask the pain from another experience or memory; the addict might be afraid to give up the addiction because then they would have to confront the other problem.
• The addict may genuinely believe that they don’t have a problem and may have convinced themselves that they don’t.

How can I convince an addict or alcoholic that something is wrong?

First, realize that your own recognition of the problem is an important step. Sometimes friends and family members try to ignore or hide the problem because of social stigmas or other possible consequences. Next, make sure you aren’t contributing to the problem by enabling the addict or perpetuating a codependent relationship (Read Co-dependency: Are You Addicted to Addiction?). Try to talk to the addict during a sober moment, if you can find one, and offer to listen to their thoughts about the potential underlying causes of the problem. Enlist the help of family and friends, and consider arranging an intervention (discussed more in the next section). If you have tried to persuade them in every way you can think of, it might be time to get professional help.

What should I do if an addict refuses to listen?

Admitting that they have a problem is one of the most difficult steps an alcoholic or addict must take; it is the first of the 12 steps in the Alcoholics Anonymous recovery program. Because alcoholics and addicts are often stubborn or afraid of sobriety for the reasons discussed above, it may help to arrange an intervention for family and friends to come together as a unified force and tell the addict – in a loving and supportive environment – that change must happen. Visit the contact us page to learn more about how you can speak with an intervention and addiction specialist to take the next step for your friend or family member. You may also want to consider seeing a therapist yourself to help you better cope with your loved one’s choices (Read Talk it Out: Is Therapy Right for You?).