How to Jump-Start Your Recovery Process

Have you had enough of watching your loved one struggle with addiction? Are you tired of seeing their health deteriorate before your eyes? Has the situation caused unnecessary financial problems and emotional distress for you, your children, and everyone else whose life has been affected negatively by the addict? Is your life plagued with constant worry for the addict, for yourself, or for others?

Addiction is a disease that requires treatment. However, addiction can be either aided or impeded by the environment and by a series of decisions: both the addict’s own and those made by the people surrounding the addict. In many cases, addiction is enabled by the decisions of family members with good intentions whose desire to care for the physical needs of their sick relative are in conflict with certain mental aspects of this disease (read Are You an Enabler?). In the same way that the addict is allowed to make decisions for their life, you have the power to start making decisions to improve your own.

STEP ONE: “On Your Mark” - Make a Decision and Commit to It. If you’re reading this article, you most likely are ready to move forward. But you must remember that you only have power over your own life, not the decisions of the addict. Your decision should be phrased in a way that is clearly within your control like “I will not let the addict make me feel so angry and hurt” instead of “I will get the addict to enter rehab.” The immediate goal is to start improving your life, not the addict’s. You will be setting yourself up for disappointment if you try to control the addict; you are not responsible for saving the addict, for the decisions that they have made, or for the decisions that they will make in the future. (Read 5 Signs of Co-Dependency.) Don’t underestimate the power of your decisions, however. As you make decisions for your own benefit that require changes in your relationship to the addict, the addict will notice. By removing support systems (like shelter, food, money), the addict’s life will become less comfortable, and it will be more difficult for them to maintain the addiction. But make sure your expectations are realistic.

STEP TWO: “Get Set” - Enlist the Help of Others and Prepare Yourself According to Al-Anon, a support group for the families and friends of alcoholics, the average alcoholic affects the lives of four other people. Most people with substance abuse problems are very lucky to have friends and family who care about them. Start approaching others, preferably adults, and work with them to develop a plan. A strong, consistent response to the addiction from everyone in the addict’s life will make it impossible for them to just shift from using you to draining someone else. The addict needs to know that you are dead serious and can no longer be persuaded by guilt trips, emotional reasoning, and sad faces. The only reason you will restart the relationship and help the addict is if they enter treatment and make a genuine effort to lead a sober life - period. You should also consider looking into any number of options for professional help (Read Why You Shouldn’t Fight Addiction Alone). If the addict decides to continue their life of addiction (and they may), a counselor or therapist might help you work on acceptance and cope with the many difficult emotions you will feel from the situation; they can also help you heal from the past. But you should be prepared in case the addict does ask for help. Depending on the substance, medically monitored detoxification (the period when the substance leaves the body) may be necessary to prevent serious withdrawal symptoms. Look into rehab facilities (Read 10 Questions for a Rehab Center) and be prepared to counter the addict’s resistance with options. A professional interventionist could be helpful in this situation also.

STEP THREE: Say “NO!” This step will probably be the most difficult. Now is the time to act. After you have done your research, prepared yourself with knowledge and options for yourself and the addict, and stabilized yourself emotionally, it is time to say, “no.” Be ready to explain to the addict how their addiction is affecting you and how you are no longer willing to accept the position that they have put you in. The addict will probably try to spin the situation to make themselves look like the victim. They may say horrible things to you and attempt to make you feel guilty by accusing you of abandoning them. Stay strong. Emphasize that you love the addict, but you will not be part of their life as long as they continue to choose the addiction over their relationship with you. Remind them that you are always willing to help them, but only on the condition that they get help for their problem.